[15 Sep 2005|03:22pm] testing hoes. one chord into another.

lurklurklurklurklurklurk. [15 Sep 2005|03:47pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Everytime I die- pornogratherapy ] Haha. I didn't think I'd ever make another one of these. Just because I usually never ever post. But lately I've been coming up with these ridiculous theories on everything again.. and it occured to me that I have no where to put them. Not like I used to atleast. So here it is. Except.. I have nothing to rant about today. So instead you should just download some everytime I die.. and jam. kthanks <3 6 // one chord into another.

I really don't understand it. [15 Sep 2005|11:24pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | matchbook romance- tiger lily ] Question: Do certain events in your life actually effect you're character? Yes, they do. I really hate telling people about my family, and them telling me that they are sorry. Why are you sorry? It is completely out of your control, and you had absolutely nothing to do with it. Nothing anyone can or could of done would make any difference as of now. Would you like to go back in time and erase the past 8 years of my life? I'm pretty sure that you can't. It's impossible. I'm not sorry about anything in my life at all... I used to think I was. I used to not understand what I did in life to deserve anything thats went wrong. But I know now that it is completley out of my hands. The family issues atleast. My mom= a fuck up. Anyone who knows her knows that. And most of my family thinks that I should just delete her out of my life, as if she has no important meaning. But she does, and the fact that they can even think of doing that bewilders me. She helped make me, she brought me into this world. She could quite possibly burn down this entire state.. and I'd still love her unconditionally. I just hate the things she does, and I wish she could see the error of her ways. But she can't. Because shes blind to everything. Or is it that she sees it and just doesnt want to accept it? So instead she just goes and fucks up again. Trying to fill the empty void that the last mistake left. Thats what I used to do. Let's go back.. I first started smoking when I was 13 years old. It was out of a creme soda can in the middle of heathers bedroom floor. That's pretty much where all my problems began. I was young and niave, and the feeling of being high let me escape all the stress that my family put upon me. As time progressed, I got older and opened my eyes to a whole new set of realizations about my family and started smoking more, that just lead to heavy drinking and alot more pot. Eventually it's lead to me doing a number of things that I didn't need to do, and bad decisions made. I've realized alot of the last few days. But regardless of all the bad shit I've done, or have had to deal with. I am not sorry, it makes me a better person. And now that I am on this stage of my life, I can move past my burn out stage and do something great with my life. Because I've always been told I will do something great.. and thats what I intend to do. However, if I am sorry about anything its these things: I am sorry to all my actual friends who I have hurt or blown off in the past couple of monthes, you never did anything to deserve it. And I love you guys so much. I am sorry to my family that I've hurt because I was pissed that I couldnt get high or drink. I am sorry to any boys I have hurt. Seriously. I am sorry to anyone else that I unintentionally hurt by my actions. I wish I could fix it. This post is not insightful.. it actually doesnt even have a point. It's just me pretty much typing as I'm thinking. Which is cool right? Oh well.. Thats it kiddos. <333 6 // one chord into another.

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